Who would have thought 14 years ago that an animal would have such a profound impact on a person’s life… I remember when my grad school roommate brought home a black kitten with the biggest ears I had ever seen.  Given that we were psychology students and were learning personality tests, we named him Rorschach because he looked a little like one of the Rorschach cards. He was a very loving kitten that loved to be held.  It was not uncommon to see him draped over our shoulders like a stole.  He also loved to harass the other cats in the house.

It is not surprising that he turned out to be a “Rotund Feline” as one of my friend’s husband referred to him.  He would gobble up the food and move on to the other cats’ food.  It was not uncommon for him to be found lying on his back like a big black seal his paws just hanging there with him fully asleep.

He would go through phases of first hating being outside (to the point of running from the door if anyone walked towards it) to doing anything he could to get out!  One winter we left for a weekend in the mountains w/ some friends and when we came back two days later, the poor guy was sitting on the deck meowing his head off w/ his ears bent from the cold.  We had no idea he snuck out when we left!  Needless to say, he got lots of warm cuddles, food, and treats!

I also have a fond memory of the evening I went downstairs to get something and turned on the kitchen light.  There perched on top of the refrigerator was Rorschach, one paw on the stove hood the other mid air w/ eyes as wide as can be and a look of “OH SHIT, THEY CAUGHT ME!” on his face.  He leaped down and ran from the room w/ this little mew that sounded like Dino from the Flinstones… MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME.  All the while he ran, his fat belly would wag back and forth. It was quite a site to see!

There was a time when we thought it was cute that he liked to drink out of the bathroom sink. He would hop up on the counter and sit there until someone came by and turned on the water.  This was cute until we realized that was the ONLY time he would drink and he would sit in there and meow until someone turned on the water.

Ah yes, and then there were the times when I was on a conference call for work, and he would sit there and meow, thinking I was talking to him!  He would walk around and just meow or sometimes howl (at first we thought something was wrong, but nope! – he’d just walk around and let everyone know he was there.)

Everyone who encountered him loved him.  He was a lot like a dog! When people came over, he would go up to them, rub against them and sit there.  We gave him the moniker – “dog in a cat suit”.  He would do the tricks of “sit up” and “high five”.  You could position him however you wanted while he sat in your lap, could lie him on his back and push him around the wood floors (like a dust mop), or you could pretend you were choking him and he would grab your hands and start biting and scuzzing.  A lot of fun!

Growing tulips and a Schmoo!

It was nearly a month ago that he started losing weight.  At first I was excited because it was not healthy for him to be 22 lbs especially since he was getting on in years (14 yrs).  However, when I noticed his sides had a little bulge, I was afraid he might be developing diabetes or kidney disease.  I took him to the vet and after shaving the poor guy’s belly, they did an ultrasound and found a tumor the size of a softball on his kidney.  I was told the tumor was not curable, but I could lengthen his life and give us more time to spend with him to say our goodbyes.  Since he didn’t seem to be in pain, we immediately started oral chemo.  He was on that for about 3 weeks and the tumor started to shrink, but then he started losing more weight, was getting more and more lethargic, and wasn’t really eating.  We made a last stab effort to strengthen him by giving him an appetite stimulant and spoon fed him.

I struggled with how to make the decision of continuing treatment vs. letting him go.  I knew I did not want him to suffer so decided that if his blood tests came back worse than they had earlier in the week, it was time to give him peace and allow ourselves to mourn him.  Last Saturday (Nov. 8, 2008), we said goodbye to our friend and treasure.  Many tears have been shed and our hearts are broken, but we know he is now running freely in the big catnip patch in the sky (and knowing how he responded to catnip, probably pretty loopy right now!).

Here are links to a few pictures of my loving schmoo:

Gimme a high five!Kickin’ It in Style!Keepin Warm!Would you PLEASE stop taking my picture!

I first heard the song “Goodbye My Friend” by Karla Bonoff on a Linda Ronstadt album a number of years ago. Fortunately I had not experienced a lot of death in my life, but I always thought that I would like to dedicate that song to someone one day – or that someone would dedicate it to me should I meet my maker.  Well, I think this is the perfect time to dedicate this song.  Recently I read the liner notes of Karla Bonoff’s  ‘Best of’ album, and learned this about the song:

“I have never publicly said what this song was about because I thought people would laugh, but I had a cat for 16 years who was the most amazing, wonderful cat, and had nine lives.  One time a dog bit through its lung and it survived, another time it had bad kidneys and pulled through.  That cat stayed inside because there were coyotes where I lived in Hollywood, but my girlfriend accidentally left the door open and he got out.  We never found him again – the coyotes apparently got him – and it was devastating.  Back then my mother was still alive, so I hadn’t truly experienced death before.  So I only wrote that song to help myself, and wasn’t planning for it to be anything anyone would ever hear.  I was just trying desperately to do something therapeutic, and I was sobbing so hard I could barely sing.  It’s amazing because it’s probably one of the best songs I’ve ever written.” - liner notes by Karla Bonoff from All My Life – The best of Karla Bonoff.

In my mind, this knowledge makes my dedication to my friend and family member all the more meaningful.

Here is a link to this amazing song along with the lyrics below

Good-bye My Friend

Oh, we never know where life will take us
We know it’s just a ride on the wheel
And we never know when death will shake us
And we wonder how it will feel

So Good-bye, my friend
I know I’ll never see you again
But the time together through all the years
Will take away these tears
It’s ok now
Good-bye, my friend

I’ve seen alot of things that made me crazy
And I guess I held on to you
I could have run away and left, well maybe,
But it wasn’t time and we both knew

So Good-bye, my friend
I know I’ll never see you again
But the love you gave me through all the years
Will take away my tears
I’m ok now
Good-bye, my friend

Life’s so fragile and love’s so pure
We can’t hold on but we try
We watch how quickly it disappears
And we’ll never know why
But I’m ok now
Good-bye, my friend
You can go now
Good-bye, my friend